Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Where has all the motivation gone?

So I have been lacking in the motivation department lately.  And by lately I mean since my birthday in June...... (awkward pause while you all realize that was 2 months ago)  I blame the heat.  I like to blame stuff on my own personal shortcomings.  Makes it easier.  So anyways Josh is trying like mad to drop like 20 pounds before his boss does.  He is extremely confident in his ability to do this and to do it quickly.  Why you may ask?  Because he has done it before!  Oh, this sounds familiar!  Let's recap....  I've always been a chunky gal...went to more chunk....halfway through college...start losing chunk with best friend....lose 50 pounds.....look and feel great and everyone is amazed that I'm so stinking cute and to end of college.

  Here I am minding my own bizness when someone walks into my life I was hoping for but not expecting or really looking for at that moment.  That's right, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ!  They were re-introduced to me through Josh and the missionaries and well that was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Within a few months I was in love with the gospel and baptized and a couple months after that I realized I was in love with Josh too....  It took awhile longer for Josh to realize I wasn't going anywhere so I flew out to Utah to meet him and go to General Conference... and 10 days later I left practically engaged.  And this trip is where my amazing weightloss came to a screeching and sudden halt and reversal!  This was fall 2008.  I moved to Utah December 30, 2008, married Josh in the Manti temple on May 1, 2009, and then promptly got pregnant with Evalyn that summer....

When I came to visit Josh

  Let me say I love my children and would never trade them for anything, but I can't figure out how to lose the weight now :(  I ate lean cuisines all the time in college.  I hate them now and they are expensive anyways.  I really don't like to cook but I know I have to.  And my husband hates most things that I cook that are healthy anyways.  It is so hot out that I have trouble getting out and moving because I can't cool myself efficiently through sweat and whatnot so I turn into a beet and people think I'm about to die... literally I've been asked on more than one occasion if I am okay after exercising and it's embarrassing.  All I need is some motivation.  And a good routine.  Why is this so hard for me to do?  Being at this weight is miserable and embarrassing.  I don't want my kids to have a fat mom who doesn't want to be in pictures and has meltdowns Sunday morning because none of my nice clothes fit...  They deserve an active, fun mom who can destress with a good run and not feel like a marshmallow replaced her face in every picture.  I want I want I want...  I tell Josh all the time I'm just talk.  I have so many grand ideas for doing this or that or making this better, but nothing ever changes.  I want to change this. 

  Oh and as more motivation is better I am making Josh buy me a new diamond ring when I hit my goal weight.  I love me some shinies.  So 145 pounds may seem fat to many people but that is my goal weight.  I was there before so I know I can do it and it felt good.  We'll see when we get there about more or not.  145 pounds.  That's what I weighed when I first met Josh.  He doesn't care about my weight, he just wants me to be happy and he knows I am not.  I couldn't have picked a more amazing man to share eternity with.  Now if only Jenny would come be my jogging partner again I'd be set ;)   Love to you all.

Oh and if you come visit my page I'd love for you to leave a comment :)  Thanks!